Okay as of Monday morning Apri1 12, 2010, I will be out of commission...having eye surgery for a hole in my eye. Out of work till -- unknown and if I have regained my sight. Don't know what I am going to do about working. I have to to survive, but I can't cause if I want to see I have to do what the dr. says. Plus a problem on the other eye which will be hopefully taken care of after this one heals. I will have sight in one eye for awhile. No lifting, driving, housework, for a couple of weeks or so. Have to keep head down looking at the floor at all times. Now....the thing I need the most is prayers that the dr. does not have to remove my lens and that it is a success and that I get my sight back so I can work.
I had photos of my eyes:
first picture shows the hole in the center....looks like a volcano this is my right eye. the bad one. I can still see out of it, but not good.
2nd one shows my left eye and on the right the stringy thing has to be fixed but not at the moment
the lasts pictures tells about it.
Have to go on Friday to put dye into me for a picture to be taken. Got to go and get medicine to take before I have surgery Monday. Get the wash done and clothes where I can get to them. Will have to be face down for up to 7 days....not what I want to be doing right now or anytime. Plus I need to get my hair done as I won't be able to for sometime to have that done. How to h--- can I keep my self together to get through this, I suppose all things will come to pass, but I live from paycheck to paycheck. No help from someone in the house....that thinks it is all about him. Thinks that I brought this onto myself just to spite him...wonder why I might be depressed and upset and I don't know ....just about everything that can go wrong can go.
I suppose I am just down at the moment, and hope to be back up to my old self. Gees I can't drive after Monday, can't do anything....can't walk outside, probably not allowed to cry, and God forbid that I tell anyone how I am feeling at the moment, it might make HIM look bad. Gee is that just to bad. When I am sick, HE thinks he is sicker, go figure.
My daughter will come home from Boston but she is taking a class at Harvard, I do not want her to foul up on that. She still might be able to come on the weekend, the other daughter who knows what she can do, just got over her operation and trying to get back to work, a day at a time.
I guess enough of this pity,there are people worse off than me like Theresa Demsey and Buddy Farren with their brain tumors. Maybe it helps to think I don't have cancer like them, I guess by writing it down might help, get it off my chest or whatever, I don't know,--- think I need to make me a smoothie and think about bed or TV or whatever and stop my self pitying, life goes on one way or another, shucks this is a good excuse not to finish the attic or clean the basement or, or, or ....whatever.
Besides I am thankful, for my family, my friends, my home, my granddaughters, and my wonderful grandson. Everything that I need will come to me that is what I am going to say everyday, and try to be positive about everything. That this happened for a reason.